Have you ever wanted to skydive out of a tank, dressed as a hot dog, while simultaneously being shot at by sex addicts, furries, and gimps? Yes? Then boy have we found the game for you. Saints row: The Third is an insane dive into an adult world of debauchery, violence, and laughs. Amping it up from crazy to absolutely bat-sh*t insane, Saints Row 3 was a fantastic adventure that never felt similar throughout the entire campaign.
Picking up after the 2nd game, the Stilwater Third Street Saints have become international pop icons. They have a massive media empire, an energy drink, clothing shops named after them, the works. So what is the best way to make money? Steal it of course! In a move to train TV’s Nyte Blade how to play the role of Johnny Gat in the upcoming Gangsta’s in Space movie (still with me?) the Saints rob a bank in Steelport. But this is no ordinary bank. It is in fact owned by the Syndicate, Steelport’s crime circle, composed of three gangs. Other gangs on the Saints turf? Well, that spells problems for everyone.
When I say this game is insane, I mean absolutely insane. You can partake in the missions, the regular style, “I’m a gangster” missions, with a bit of hectic action thrown in, or you can get down to the bread and butter of the game, which is the activities. Things like Tank Mayhem, Heli Assault, or Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax are what really differentiate this game from other sand box’s like GTA. This is also how you earn your majority of money, as you not only get money for completing the activity, you also get control over a small percentage of Steelport, which contributes to your “Hourly” income, which is accessed from your phone just like the past Saints games.
The real surprise to this game, is how deep of an experience it can be. The money you earn is not only used to upgrade cars, buy weapons and ammo, and clothing anymore. Now you can upgrade your character, getting perks like giving every car you drive nitrous, or having unlimited ammo for The Reaper Drone. The number of upgrades is staggering, and by the end of the game your Saint will be a walking God, with unlimited ammo, unlimited health, unbreakable cars, and weapons that can level a city block. The feeling of reward is such a constant in this game, that it is very hard to put it down. The campaign overall took me about 30 hours to complete, with a completion rate of %95, with tons of Hitman contracts, Car Hijackings, and challenges to do still. Easy to say this game is not short on content.
Another bonus is that the full game in its entirety can be played in online Co-Op. Every mission, activity, and challenge is open for you and a friend to complete, and it is a blast to do so. No one person’s game will look the same. You may be a space Ninja, with an energy hammer and farts in a jar, while your partner is a zombie cheerleader with a flamethrower and a Four foot-long Purple Dildo. The action never stops, the laughs are plentiful, and voice acting is hilarious. Hulk Hogan, Burt Reynolds (as himself) and former porn star Sasha Grey are key players in the game, and do a fantastic job. Can you guess who has a pet Tiger?
Saints Row The Third is no kid’s game, and that is exactly what we at B-sides were hoping for. Whether your dropping through the sky shooting men in hot dog suits, or destroying a group of Ninjas in a tank with a satellite guided Reaper Drone missle, one thing Saints Row: The Third never gets is boring. If your looking for a Grand Theft Auto that isn’t so serious, and goes insanely over the top, then Saints Row is for you. We here at B-sides give Saints 3 a 9 out of 10.
9/10